TooMuchLikeWrite

Don’t You Just Love Love???

Hey!

Well the eve of Valentine’s Day is upon us and I wanted to write something small, not lengthy and time consuming, just something to think about. I’ve noticed lately, whether it be on Facebook, Twitter, or just everyday life that more and more people are becoming Valentine’s Day haters. Yes, I said it…..Haters. 

This is not the first year that I’ve witnessed the Baa Humbug Blues of Valentine’s Day, but for some reason this year, it seems to have gotten worse than last year. The same people who are claiming not to ‘trust no b*tch’ and saying that ‘all n*ggas ain’t sh*t’ are the main ones putting the Valentine’s status that says ” How do you feel about me: 1= i like you, 2= i wanna marry you, 3= i wanna be your valentine….” and so forth. Now in no way am I bashing, but this just let’s me know that everyone, everywhere needs a little love. And instead of getting it from a crush, or a boyfriend, or no one at all and being miserable, I am suggesting that it starts with ourselves.

Too many people put the sole responsibility of their love life on Valentine’s Day. If you don’t get anything from your significant other, or the person that you have been casually seeing , then that is the end all be all. Now it is important to a certain extent, but if you end up alone on Valentine’s Day, then really what’s so bad about that? Take that time to do something for you. Maybe do something that really makes you happy, or take yourself out to eat, buy yourself something really nice. This goes for guys and girls. Whatever makes you happy, especially do it on this day.

A couple of Valentine’s ago,Even though I was a little sad because I had just gotten out of a relationship, I knew I had to make the best of it….for me. Did I just sit in a corner and cry? No, I didn’t. I booked a hotel downtown, made a spa appointment, and took myself out to dinner. It turned out, that I was afraid for nothing. To this day, that was one of the best Valentine’s that I have had. To make a long story short, this has now become a ritual of mine, and every year I try to really treat myself in some way.This year, I am going to Mardi Gras with some college friends, on a well needed break from work, and I can’t wait. 

I’m rambling because I’m sleepy, but I just wanted to put a little bug in your ear. Take this Valentine’s Day, and do something for yourself. How much do you mean to yourself? How much do you love yourself? Lots I hope. And if so, then show it.

Posted 3 months ago

“Come On Girl, Just Give Me the A** Already!!”

I remember dating someone in the past, and being very clear about what I wanted.When the time came, I explained how I wouldn’t become intimate w/ anyone unless we were in serious talks of a relationship or already in one.This is something that I started sometime last year, so I was not intending on breaking that promise to myself. Now, in the back of my mind, I knew that this meant one of two things: 1. He was gone stay in it for the long haul and try to make this thing into a relationship or….2. He wasn’t gone like it and decide to move on. Either one would have been fine with me, and at the time he seemed to have understood completely. He even commended me on being so consistent with what I wanted for myself, and so he tried it.

The problem with this whole thing didn’t come until he realized that I could also resist HIS advances. Oh, that’s when the sh*t hit the fan. Once he realized how serious I was, he kinda went into remission. First, he tried to figure out what he was doing wrong, and then after he had made up his mind that all of his attempts would have made any other girl wet their panties, he decided that it wasn’t he who had the problem, but me (and my no-sexin’ self). Needless to say, things didn’t go far after that and he was so frustrated that he ranted on twitter about how “what you won’t do, someone else will.” #OhOk

I had already known that this issue didn’t concern me, because I had been very upfront from the start. I even told him, “Look, this lifestyle ain’t for everyone and if you know you’re not ready for that yet, it’s cool.” He insisted that he could handle it. And along the way, someone had misled him into thinking that I actually cared whether he was getting it elsewhere or not. From my perspective, I believe that unless their is an agreement between the two parties that one person is going to wait for the other, then it is healthy to assume that they are going to continue dating around or doing whatever as long as you both are still very casual about dating each other. We didn’t have any previous agreements so I didn’t expect anything different.

Now I don’t know what you’ve been told, but if anyone ever said that this lifestyle would never make many enemies, then they were lying. Like I said, I’ve been living this for a year and even though I get a lot of guys commending me and giving positive feedback about my decision, there were just as many who were INSISTENT about being the first one to make me break that. And honestly, I’m not mad. I understand that every man is gonna shoot his shot, but at some point you just gotta respect it and accept it for what it is. 

I don’t even feel as if I am asking for a lot. I’m not asking for a ring, or marriage. I’m only asking that I be in a relationship, or in serious talks of a relationship, so that the next person I have sex with will actually care about me and focus on building something together. Are some men so against relationships now that they cringe at the mention of the word? The only thing that guy had done for me, was cook dinner at the house. Big whoop. I can cook for my damn self, and I know PLENTY of brothers who cook everyday. It takes time to get to know someone, and a constant effort must be put forth in order to show that you want to take things to another level. I didn’t see that with him, so I “held out.”

As much frustration as my decision has cost me in the world of dating, it also has shown me some very eye-opening experiences, and I don’t plan on stopping until I get what I want.

Thoughts?

Posted 3 months ago — 1 note

Response to Paul’s “8 Reasons Why I Won’t Cheat on My Wife.”

I read this article months ago, and was so moved by it, that I simply decided not to say anything. I didn’t quite have words for how I felt about it at the time, so I took the time to really think about what was said, and process it on my own. Yea, I was that touched. The article that I am referring to was written by Paul Carrick Brunson, The Modern Day Matchmaker. He did an article, respectively highlighting the eight most important reasons why he won’t ever cheat on his wife. My first reaction was one of pure interest. I wondered why this man felt the need to even have to explain ONE reason for not cheating on his wife, let alone eight. 

Shortly after reading, I soon discovered, that I was glad he did it after all. In the article, Paul lists his reasons, but is very honest and sincere about revealing the motive behind each. His reasons ranged from wanting to set the proper example for his growing son, to being fueled by hate messages expressing their enthusiasm to hopefully one day hear of an infidelity accusation against him.

In this article, he also goes on to illustrate how cheating is a “boys” game, and not the characteristics of a real, mature man. Paul doesn’t go out of his way to excuse, or cover up the negligent behavior by throwing scientific facts about how men are prone to cheat, because he doesn’t condone it. 

I’ll admit, this article caught me off guard. Eventhough there have been many trying times and hardships amongst my parents and their marriage, I am blessed to be able to still say that I can always refer to them if I want an honest example of what commitment and love look like in a marriage, but I don’t know many other married couples that I could pull evidence from. Without saying too much against any of my friends marriages and relationships, I’ll just say that I know several who have a very nonchalant attitude towards cheating in the marriage, and one can start to believe that there is a sort of “Well we know it’s gonna happen eventually” type of perspective about it. 

This article was a light at the end of the tunnel for me. It gave just what women everywhere needed: a personal account from a Black man, voicing his sincere and unyielding love and admiration for his wife and the sanctity called their marriage. He was unwavering about his role in his marriage and how important that was to him. 

Regardless if Paul knew it or not, his honesty put a smile on my face. It gave women, who might have seemed jaded from past infidelity issues with men, a chance to see that it is actually possible to have a successful and happy marriage…..without the infidelity piece. It made men everywhere reflective about their own marriages and exactly what exchanging those vows meant to them. Simply put, this article became nourishment to a growing hunger that longed to see a positive perspective on black marriage. And even though I am not necessarily in a position to marry anytime soon, I’ve found a new reason to look forward to it.

Posted 4 months ago — 1 note

Why I Don’t Have a Type

I’ve often been told that I look like I date a certain type of guy. When I was in high school, they use to tell me that I looked like I dated “ballers.” Now if they were referring to athletes or just dudes with money, I’m not sure. Even in college, many assumed that I wouldn’t look there way unless they wore the flyest clothes or were the flashiest financially, which is why they were also surprised when I dated someone who was deemed as, well…….just a regular guy. I would hear guys say things like, ” How did he pull her? That nigga ain’t got no money!” LOL. Hilarious. But despite what others thought would look good next to me, or despite what people viewed as my ideal guy, there were a few things that always led in my choices that weren’t based solely on appearance.

See, I’ve dated many different kinds of people. I’ve dated the athlete who’s extremely smart (contrary to the belief that most athletes are not very intelligent), I’ve dated the guy who looks-good-on-paper ( University grad, great job, intellectually savvy, and politically aware, and I’ve also dated the nerd (pretty self explanatory). Although most people are drawn into certain romantic relationships based solely on their preferences of a “type”, I’ve chosen to believe that everyone has something to offer. Putting myself in one box won’t yield many results. 

The internal qualities of an individual will ALWAYS out rule their external. Now that doesn’t mean that looks don’t matter, because they definitely do, but I look at what MAKES a man. I’ve talked to some guys who explained how their girlfriend or wife was not originally the “type” of girl they would go for. When asked why, they simply said, ” She makes me feel good to be around her, and she is a beautiful person.” Or ” She’s kind and knows how to hold me down when I’m not feeling my best.” When I saw a picture of these women, I wasn’t surprised to see that they were very beautiful, just not what the guy was used to going for. 

Still, usually during random conversation, the question of, ” What type of guy do you go for?” will come up…….and I usually don’t know how to answer without pausing first. I go for the type of guy who is kind, thoughtful, easily encouraged, able to laugh at himself when things don’t quite go as planned, motivated, spiritually invested, and 100% down to becoming a better man whether I’m along for the ride or not. That’s the kind of guy I go for. 

Posted 4 months ago

My Rant

I just came back in from the movies…….by myself, and had to share this story. Its heavy on my heart, so here it is.

Now it’s Friday, I’ve worked hard all week, and I decided to go to the movies. It’s been something that I’ve been putting off for a while now. Part of the reason is because I couldn’t really think of anything that I really wanted to see. Another reason is because I found that I rarely had the time, even on the weekends, to do it. Today though, I decided to go……..by myself. Now, is this my first time going out on the town by myself? No. It is not. I have been to numerous parties, socials, movies, dinners, and etc. all numerous times before. So this particular time was no different. I went , as I usually do, paid for my ticket, purchased my food, and made my way to the theater. At peace and enthused about getting time alone by myself, I was not nervous or uncomfortable in any shape, form, or fashion. As I am watching the previews to the latest movies set to come out, I over hear three girls behind me wonder aloud as to why I am by myself. One says, ” I’m so glad that you all are around to go to movies with me. I wouldn’t know what to do if I didn’t have you all. I probably wouldn’t go at all.” Then her friend chimes in and says, ” Yea, it’s pretty sad. I bet someone is doing it right now.” She said it loud enough as to stir a reaction out of me, and although I almost turned around and said a few words to her, I decided that I would come up shorthanded if I did….and so I refrained.

It was apparent that she was referring to my “unfortunate” situation. I immediately started to wonder, “What in the hell did I do to YOU?!” I mean, I’m slightly offended, that SHE was offended. When did a single woman going to the movies by herself become a THREAT to others? Why is it such a bad thing? I hear people tell me all the time, ” I wish I was more like you. I couldn’t just go out and do that on a regular basis.” What does that even mean? Do you realize what you are saying? Are you telling me that you couldn’t go out By YOURSELF and enjoy your own company? Are you that pathetic that you can’t even tolerate being around YOURSELF for an undisclosed amount of time? When was it said, that without someone in near sight to sit down with, then you are automatically lonely? I didn’t receive the memo where I had to have a boyfriend, or even anybody for that matter, in order to be interested enough to go see a movie. Society paints the portrait, that to be alone is lonely. If you are without an entourage, or single, or caught doing something too long without anyone around to become involved, you are destined to die a slow and lonely death. People are afraid of being alone.

I am the type of girl who has always been in a relationship. I’ve always had a boyfriend and I’ve always had dates. That has NEVER been a problem. After my 4 1/2 year relationship ended with my ex, I was miserable. I had done everything with him, and if it didn’t involve him, I didn’t think that I could do it. When it ended, I felt alone. It was one of the loneliest times of my life, and I had to start from scratch. I had to learn how to be alone again. Not “lonely”, but just “alone.” I had to rediscover things that I liked to do, and who I really was. One thing him and I liked to do was go to the movies together. Was I supposed to stop going, just because he wasn’t my man anymore?! That’s absurd. And stupid. Even though it took a little time to warm up to, I began to go out. By myself. I began to meet new people, form new friendships, and experience new things. On my own. And although I expected to feel a little silly, maybe even desperate, to be sitting at a fancy dinner table downtown sipping a glass of Merlot by myself, but the feeling that I ACTUALLY felt was something totally unprecedented, but completely welcome. I felt a sense of accomplishment. To think that the girl who didn’t think she could enjoy her own company, and do it comfortably, has become accustomed to spending time and getting to know the only person who really matters at the end of the day anyway…….Me.

I am now at a point where I can comfortably go to a social gathering, with my best attire, which is Confidence. And what people don’t seem to realize is that you actually have a chance of meeting more people, and make more networking opportunities. 

And lastly, to the girls and whoever else pretends to feel “sorry” for someone they see out, by themselves, try to look at the bigger picture. Maybe that person who is on their own, appearing to be “lonely” to the naked eye, maybe they are more secure WITH themselves than you will ever be. Maybe their small, solitary moments are more fulfilling than yours could ever experience. And maybe they have discovered and become completely enthralled with who they really are, more than you could ever know, all because of your incessant fear of being alone.

I am ranting a little, but understand that their words did not discourage me. I will continue to enjoy my time with me, and if a friend happens to come along for the ride, then I’m all for that too. But if no one wants to ride, I can ride by myself. I won’t miss the opportunity………even if that means riding alone.

Posted 6 months ago

Ways for Women to Improve Their Stock (Because the Dow is Down)

I once read somewhere that the easy days of a woman only knowing how to cook and look good are over. We are officially in the battlefield and competing like hungry piranhas over the next available bachelors that we see. So, to get straight to the point (cuz I already wrote this once and accidentally erased it..) how can we level the playing field so that you stand out more as an individual with more to offer? Well, I’m glad you asked, woman. But the only way to do this is by working on Self. I have a starters list of 5 things that can help women have more of an all-around affect. Ladies (and gentleman) please, feel free to add to the list where needed, or simply share with a friend…..these are just my ideas.

1. Workout

Why is working out at the top of my list? Well, because before we began to seek out anyone else, we must learn to value our own physical appearance first. I have heard many people, including myself, see someone on TV or a magazine and say, ” I need my next dude/girl to look like that!” Well, that’s wonderful, but we must also look at ourselves and ask, ” Can I attract the type of person I want?” And this question usually takes some real serious and mature questioning. If we don’t think we can, that is when we get up and do something about it.

2. Read 

Now before you say, ” Well hell! I DO read! I couldn’t put Zane’s Heat Seekers down last night!”, I’m not talking about those kinds of books, although I’m sure they don’t hurt. For instance, A guy I used to date would read a book first, and then pass it to me. And when we were both done, we could discuss our point of views and perspectives during an intellectual conversation. I began to look forward to our discussions because they told me a lot about him and the dynamics of how we both processed things. Don’t know where to start? That’s ok. Check out Hill Harpers books: The Conversation and The Wealth Cure, if you want one with a relationship base, and another speaking from a financial standpoint. And if you are interested in a hip-hop culture perspective, try The Tanning of America by Steve Stout. Show people that you not only bring the physical aspect, but you also have the intellectual covered as well.

3. Pick a Hobby

Many couples fall in love and are completely enamored with each other, until the fateful day comes when they realize that they have never done anything without each other, and therefore lack basic knowledge of themselves and what they enjoy as a singular person. In a nutshell, don’t be that lame. Take up a pole dancing class, or a cooking class, or go tutor some kids. I can guarantee that not only will you find out more about yourself, but you will also feel good about it in the end.

4. Smile More

This is not a joke. This website, in particular, lists the Top 10 reasons why it is imperative to smile more. It really doesn’t get any better than this.

5. Relax

Last but certainly not least, we need to roll with the punches and just breathe. No stress, means no nagging. And no one wants to be around a nagger. Not even you. Maybe use the other 5 suggestions to help you relieve some pent up tension, but however you do it, I’m sure it will pay off later. :)

Use these to the best of your ability. Show that you’re not just one dimensional, but that you are a jack of all trades. Good Luck! :)

Posted 7 months ago — 1 note

“Don’t Just Talk About It, Be About It”

I decided to take a break from all of the relationship talk, and speak about something that a lot if young people struggle with on a day-to-day basis. I’ve had conversations with young people over the last couple of months, and no matter what we are talking about, we usually end up focused on a discussion that goes into detail about our career choices and what we want to do with our lives. I, for one, know how hard it is to discover what you really want to do in life. Hell, I’m still searching myself. Before I came into my profession, I had some apprehension. Not because I didn’t want to do it, but because I wanted to make sure that it was WHAT I wanted to do. And sometimes, I can be set on something one day, and have a total change of thought the next. So, these next pieces of advice are for those who are on a journey to find out about what they want to do in this life, and exactly how to take those steps to start on that path.

1. What Are You Good At?/ What Is There a Lack Of?

Discovering what your good at, or what you like to do is key. In order to keep from becoming one of those people who absolutely hate getting up for work in the morning each day, you have to make sure you are doing something that you completely enjoy. It also wouldn’t hurt if you found a profession that is lacking in your community. If you find out what people need, or what there is not enough of, you should look into it & see if it can be profitable.

2.Mentor

According to Paul Carrick Brunson, an African American Male Matchmaker, everyone must have a mentor. No matter how big or small the role is, you need someone who has experience in your area, to provide you with advice and words of advice. I didn’t really think about this until Paul put this into perspective. You are not the first person to create the wheel, so don’t reinvent what someone else has already done. Learn from others mistakes and successes, in order to better your own journey and make it a little easier.

3. Set Goals

Now this is key. You might hear a lot of people talk about what they want to do in life. They may tell you what they will be doing in 5 years, and how much money they are going to make, but in most cases, they can’t tell you how they are going to get there. Setting goals is the realization that your plan WILL be put into action, and therefore can guarantee it launching. Write down what you want to accomplish in the next 3 months towards your goal, whether it be researching or just going to different seminars. There is no such thing as planning too much. If you want to bring something to fruition, it is the only way.

4. Research

Self explanatory as it may be, some still aren’t quite sure what this entails.  Research the profession you are considering. How many people have done it before you? What were the outcomes? Pros? Cons? Is it profitable? Do you have to go to school in order to be able to do it? These are all important questions that you need to ask yourself before just throwing yourself into something blindly.

5. Prepare

Preparing involves you educating yourself. Whether that means picking up an extra class, or just spending nights fully indulged in every aspect of what your interested in, one can never prepare too much. You would hate to miss out on your opportunity because you weren’t ready.

6. Connect

Connecting is important because it gives you the opportunity to network with people who may have your same interests in mind. Getting out and talking to people who can help, will boost your confidence and also get some doors open for you that you might not have had the luxury of opening, had you not talked to the right people.

7. Daily Positive Thinking and Outlook

Last but not least, remain positive. There have been times when I wanted to do something or was passionate about an idea, and I let someone else’s opinion of it throw me completely off. I told myself that I would never let anyone do that again. There is nothing wrong with listening to different perspectives and insights, but don’t base your experience and your research off of someone else’s sole opinion. Trust yourself a little more than that. You owe it to yourself.

Posted 8 months ago

So Where Are All the Good Ones??? …..At Your Local Starbucks.

You won’t believe how many times I’ve decided to do a quick, random stop inside of the closest Starbucks and seen a beautiful man there, who just so happened to have the same mocha cappuccino craving as I did. And even though I don’t really drink coffee that often, these were times when I wish I did. I thought this was just a coincidence, until I realized thru conversation, just how common it was to see a good looking individual in a Starbucks (unless of course you live in Ugly Town, where the pretty population pans out to some inconceivable number like 999,999,999 - 1). Hell, there is even a “Society of Attractive People Who Like Starbucks” group on The Book. Well, this made me question, ” What ELSE do attractive people, like myself, like to do?” So I decided to think of more great places to meet great singles. Most of my choices are or around Chicago, but there are a few on there that everyone can pretty much relate to. I want to get started. So, shall we?

1. Mac Store

 This is a no brainer for me. I always see an attractive man in or around anything Mac related. Especially the stores located on Michigan Avenue and up north. Tech- savvy men make my mouth water.

2.Library

Some men like it quiet. Real men like peace and quiet. With all of the worlds technology and forward-thinking, people forget about the library. Its a sacred, secret place to look.

3. Friends/Loved Ones

According to research, one of the top places singles meet other eligible singles, is through friends or family. The reason this method is so successful is because, who knows what you like and how you like it, better than them? And since everyone is already separated by six little degrees, why not bridge the gap with someone who has your best interest in mind, someone close.

4. Fraternity/Sorority Conventions

I love these, not only because of the festivities that go on, but also because of the amount of people who come out to enjoy some of these events. This summer, the Alpha Convention that was in Chicago garnered a lot of attention and pretty much took over the nightlife in almost every area. 

5. Fundraiser/ Volunteer Events

These are slept on the most, because many people are quite selfish these days, and also because people don’t know about them. Sometimes it takes a little casual conversation for someone to openly bring it up and invite you to one, but once you get into the fundraising/volunteering world, it’s pretty easy to find out about anything else going on.

6. Gym

I can’t stress this enough. What kills me is how women claim they can’t go to the gym, because of their hair or not having time, but if they only knew all the good body action that they are missing out on…on a consistent basis…..I think they would reconsider.

4. Summer Festivals 

African Fest, Day Parties, Taste of Randolph, etc……all spots that are pretty dope in the summertime and offer some wonderful eye candy.

5. Grocery Store

You won’t believe how many times I rolled up to my local Jewel’s or Aldi’s with some baggy sweats on, no makeup, and some house shoes on, ….but guess what……….I ALWAYS get approached by someone.

6. Hyde Park

A lot of young people reside in Hyde Park, and I’ve seen plenty of attractive dudes gettin off the train dressed in a suit and tie, coming home from work….#GoodLawd

7. Wine Tastings

Classy, young, black singles mingle here all the time for a little wine, cheese, and conversation. You can’t go wrong.

8. Rooftop Parties

The Wit Hotel is a prime example of this last choice. It’s plenty of other areas that are have an open rooftop in the summertime, but you can always find the Attractive Ones mingling in these areas. 

Welp, that about covers it on my end. Feel free to check them out. I don’t see how you can go wrong.

Posted 9 months ago